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Inspiration

Inspiration                

I need some. I love school. I love going there. I love learning. I love having homework to do (usually). I love the idea of taking science classes soon, and playing with physics so I can see what this whole kinesiology/physical therapy thing is going to mean to me. I still love psychology and want to be psychology still, even though I thought maybe I was over it and this was just the easiest way to get a degree wrapped up quickly. I still want to know what makes people tick. Or twitch, whichever may be the case.

And lately? When the city is digging up the end of my driveway with a jackhammer and blocking my street so I can’t come home? I just want to sit at school in the english building or the art building because they’re so quiet and I can think there. But I don’t want to sit and write papers on Freud or Adler. I want to sit there and write poetry and create something you can’t touch. Except for the piece of paper and the ink. You can touch those. But the poetry you can’t really touch.

I guess the problem isn’t that I’m not inspired. It’s that I’m inspired by the wrong kinds of things right now. Maybe that’s ok. Maybe wanting other things that aren’t really part of the long term plan are ok, so long as I keep moving forward, and find time to write papers on old dead guys I like reading about but am sick of writing about.

thoughts

thoughts                

I don’t know how
to do this anymore
how to speak from my heart
with a pen and paper
it was my only thing
for so long
but now I’m not even sure
where there’s any paper
to go with my pen
it’s all digital now
in our world
that doesn’t mean
my heart is any different
it’s actually quite healthy
so the doctors tell me
my heart speaks in pictures now
I stopped using paper for that, too
I wonder if it’s some sort of evolution
of the poem to the drawing
it’s all just art anyway
but instead of me spelling it out
you have to figure out the words for yourself
through an image
that probably doesn’t make sense
in the same sort of terms
not sure if it’s just safer
to say more without having to say it
or if it’s just where my mind is at now
my mind that never truly sleeps
I fall asleep into this technicolor world
of the strange and the unknown
restless in the morning
from too much dreaming, too little rest
sometimes it makes me crazy
to never feel like I sleep
yet I think I might miss the dreaming
once this phase is over
I wonder if the dreaming
has something to do
with the countless images
spinning around my head and out
through my stylus
and into my digital world
or if I had this coming anyway
without the reckless nights
of dreams with no sleep