Ok, I guess it’d be more “ultimate” if it included absolutely everything. This all started a couple of weeks ago when my lip gloss suddenly vanished from shelves apparently never to be restocked again… I was running out and going to have to get some soon or my lips would begin to suffer. It seems the type I buy vanishes around the holidays quite a bit between chapped lip season and stocking stuffers, so I figured they’d have to restock it eventually, right? Wrong. I have no confirmation of it, but it looks like it’s being discontinued. Every single time I find a lip gloss I’m happy with, this happens.

I’m a very fussy lip gloss addict… typically I prefer it to come in a pot, not a stick. It has to fit in my pocket. It can’t be too waxy, can’t be too thick, can’t be too thin, can’t be too sticky, can’t taste nasty, can’t smell bad… and the list goes on. So for the past few years I’ve been using the neutrogena lip nutrition honey rescue balm, and now I can’t find it anymore. I found a place to order it online, and so far they haven’t even said they’ve shipped it, so I may be out of luck. And in the meantime, I needed to find at least a temporary replacement, if not permanent. So, I’ve been shopping. Trying new things. Some are hideous and destined for my trash can. Some I’ve found true goodness in and may be ok in the longrun. So let’s review some of these products. Then you’ll know what never to buy, and what to try.

• Neutrogena Lip Boost – Comes in a tube. It’s not liquidy, but not thick enough to be a balm. Feels ok but needs to be applied constantly, doesn’t really taste or smell good. It wasn’t enough for me to use all the time.
• Nivea a Kiss of Moisture Hydrating Lip Care – This sucks. It’s just a crappy balm in a stick. Sort of waxy and way too thin. I’d have to reapply this every 5 seconds and it still wouldn’t work.
• Burt’s Bees Replenishing Lip Balm with pomegranate oil – This also sucks it. The tube has the words “soothing, nourishing, hydrating” on it. I’m pretty sure they have no idea what those words mean. It’s made from beeswax, so naturally it’s so waxy I almost tossed it right in the trash. They do have a lip gloss in a tube that’s supposed to be juicy and work like a balm while being a gloss, but after how bad this was I wasn’t willing to spend the money on it. Do not buy this unless you actually like the feeling of wax all over you. Also doesn’t taste good at all.
• N.Y.C. Lippin’ large Lip Plumper – It’s a clear gloss in a tube. It smells minty but tastes like plastic. I already have plump enough lips on their own, and it didn’t really look like they got any plumper, so anyone looking for that wouldn’t find it in this product anyway. It feels good for about a second after putting it on, then feels sticky and tastes nasty. Not for me.
• Sally Hanson Comfort Shine Lip Glaze – Ok, so first off it comes in a pot but the pot is huge and would never fit in my pocket. It feels good when you first put it on. It’s a little sticky but starts off wet enough for the stickiness to not really be that noticeable. It’s made by a company that mainly focuses on nail polish, so may not be around forever. The flavors are good… I actually liked it well enough to consider it as a replacement and bought a few. Fresh Vanilla, Fresh Watermelon and Fresh Strawberry are the ones I tried. They’re clear while the rest of their flavors have some glitter to them. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve approved of glitter for a long time now but the feeling on glitter stuck all over your lips is quite unpleasant. I find you don’t need to reapply too terribly often, but as it gets dryer it makes your lips get sticky and funny feeling, so it’s not a complete winner. But not too bad and the price wasn’t too high either. In a crisis I could use this for awhile.
• alba pineapple quench lip balm – I never thouht I’d like anything that came in a stick, but I’m liking this one. It feels soft and smooth. I don’t know if it would last all that long on its own but at least reapplying feels good, and it would make a good base under another gloss. It’s organic, not waxy at all, smells wonderful. It tastes like pretty much nothing. Maybe a hint of an olive oil flavor. If it tasted like pineapple I’d be even more excited about this product.
• alba coconut cream clear lip gloss – Yep, this one goes hand in hand with the alba lip balm listed above. And it’s also excellent. I applied it right over the balm and the combination worked really well. It’s in a tube. More liquidy but goes on thin and smooth. Again, smells wonderful, tastes like nothing much besides a hint of olive oil. These 2 products smell so good that it makes me wish they had a hint of flavor, too. But they’re good and possibly a nice replacement for me as an everyday gloss.
• Boots mediterranean grape olive & nectarine moisturizing lip butter – Another really great product. It comes in a pot. Still too big for my pocket. It’s lightweight, not waxy, not thick, not too thin. Has only a very subtle scent to it. Has almost no taste, just a hint of olive oil again. It feels REALLY good on my lips and lasts a long time before needing to reapply. This is another one that could become a replacement for me.
• Crazy Rumors Lip Balm – These are honestly the cutest stick balms I have ever seen. They’re mainly coffee and tea inspired. They have several different lines: Perk, Brew, A La Mode, Gumball and Candy Cane. Each category has many different flavors. The packaging is cute, they smell wonderful, and have a subtle yummy taste. Finally, something that doesn’t taste like plastic, eh? You know I don’t usually care for stick balms, but these are smooth and non waxy. They’re vegan and made with all natural ingredients. Being vegan doesn’t really make a difference to me personally as I’m not vegan myself, but I have a feeling that’s part of why these work better… balms labeled vegan, organic and natural seem to be avoiding those ingredients that make them waxy and unusable to me. As an added plus, since I now smell and taste like coffee, those times when coffee beats me out with my husband should lead back to me being on even ground. Seriously, these are just so adorable. They aren’t perfect as I think I’ll be reapplying them quite a bit, but they feel pretty good and smell and taste good. I purchased the following flavors to try: From the Perk line, coffee bean and irish cream. From the Brew line, spiced chai and apple spice. And from the A La Mode line, pistachio.